Thursday, January 27, 2011

Got a headache !

Fat Chick : ok, so thin or fat?

Thin Boy: look darling, with the thinnies you can't feel anything and with the fatties you don't know what you feeling !

Fat Chick: nice...something is cooler than nothing huh?

Thin: errr !

Fat Chick : :- (

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

100 % Free Fat

Fat chick (weighs a 120 kgs) : hey do you think I have reduced?

Thin Boy: look darling you are like a beautiful iceberg, who could tell the difference if it melts a little huh?

Fat chick: awww thanks !!!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

People up there! Look down for details

I have to give you a real time scenario to make you understand the situation. the situation is....

I receive money on my icici salary account.Basically a old account as i don't work for anyone and i just let this account be active. I wanted to go and withdraw the money; it was the end of the month dec 2010, so I had to take this cash out that I had kept as reserve. I went to the ATM to take the cash out and no luck. My card gets declined and the machine instructed me to get in touch with the bank.

So I go to the bank and the banker tells me that “sorry sir you account was a salary account and since you have moved out a year back from your previous company we have blocked the account”. It was a debit freeze and I cannot take any money until I change it to a savings account which will take about 7 days. It was the 30th of Dec and you know how that is.

So I asked them , ‘why didn’t you communicate this info to me’. The bankers said that they had sent postal letters to my residence. Now, I get a dozen of mails from them. Most of it are promos, details of my account which has mostly nothing in it, the insurance schemes which I have a dozen already and among them this might have just slipped in. So lets just review the whole scenario. I mean I want KV Kamath to look into this and should feel like ‘damn I could have saved a shit a lot of money’ .

I get average of two calls from icici a day for loans , mutual funds, demats, credit cards, insurance from these morons to whom I have told not to call. But they still call (a lot of cost goes there). They send me sms to book movie tickets through icici debit card . Whereas I prefer to call the theater ppl and they deliver my tickets. 10 % discount on using icici debit cards on select restaurants. I am not cheap to ask for a discount for the meal I had. I prefer to pay. (again, money, a lot of it goes for these sms promos too) .

There was not even one call, or one sms or one email to notify about the account freeze.

Now that’s not what I am really concerned. Imagine lakhs of customers like me. Who receives unwanted, unnecessary account details stating your account has 0 balance. Sending that same shit for over 12 months. Check this

Cost of the paper

Cost of printing

The power used for printing

The postal/courier charges

The man power used to send these stupid piece of paper every month.

I can bet my balls that I would have saved at least 10+ crores in 6-7 months.

Now to Mr. Kamath, weren’t you able to see this or was your belly stopping you to look down into this. 'khayal aapka' my ass …khayal tho apne aapka hein, dhoorson ka nahin.

Have you ever considered to make it convenient for the customer. You have only made it convenient for yourself. Reluctant to change , just not in this case but that's the way we are. Reluctant to change and support to arrest development.

Coming back, focus on banking and let people book movie tickets pay for their meal on their own. Your are not making things easy, you are complicating the way banking should be done. Why am I talking ? I worked for Bank Of America for more than two years. Involved in more than 12 eastern zone process implementations and streamlined the refinance operation back in 2000.

So don’t label these guys has great economist please.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

You call that a car!

When you have the technology, resources and passion to build cars then you should build cars. But, if you don’t know to build cars and can only produce the steel for masking it then my suggestion is to stick to that.

Car building is born out of passion. That’s why the Germans, the Italians and the American cars are spoken for its design and technology that were truly born out of their passion to build the greatest cars in the world.

But if you fix four wheel s, place a steering and fit an engine to the rear over a steel board of 4 by 4, you just cannot call that a car. That is just simply the idea of making money. 1 lakh + rupee car ? You got to be kidding me. That is definitely a box on wheels.

Come on. You now have the technology, so why don’t you build cars instead of boxes on wheels. You have to exhibit that your passion has advanced to the next level and bring out small cars that are affordable, SAFE and has a design that doesn’t look like a mouse trap.

If you want the common man to be among the cars owners make him a proud owner. Take him forward and not backwards. You are just polluting the roads with some metal scarps that were assembled in a Chinese factory. Worst is that you were inspired by the Chinese technology in building cars. Chinese?! Seriously?!

Let’s just hit it now. Take a look at the pics above and tell me what do you want and what do you like. You want boxes to pollute your roads and goes up in flames right after you buy it or rather see that our roads are filled with Camaros, Firebirds, Austin Martins, Lamborghinis...sigh…

Take a look at this ?. Well that’s what will happen when you buy a match box. It catches on fire.

TATA motors has not plans of manufacturing quality cars, rather it is just pushing it down on a common man to buy those pieces of crap. Just to make money and nothing!

Now Ravi Kant (the so called marketing whiz)for Nano needs more than a strategy. What he needs is a miracle, no tv ads, no Rs.99 maintenance contract will help him increase the sale. He needs a miracle, big time.

The ‘Nano’ is just about 2000 crore project (‘just ‘for TATA). They can call back all the units, rip it off, consult with a Italian designer and bring it out as a two seater with better interiors , bring the engine to the front, place a sports engine like the vw polo, make it more sporty looking, as that the only option. The Nano now looks horrible. Its like some bird dropping.

That Camaro above , transforms into bumble bee. Nano might just transform into a bubble gum and pop!

So hear me, if you can’t build cars, then don’t you ever build one. Leave it to the people who can. There are many ways that you can make money, but deceiving the public and making money is not ethical, especially when it comes to cars.

Hey what are the lines you can possibly throw for Nano.

"if you want to kill your spouse , gift him or her a nano"

"don't you go too close to a nano and breath, you might just suck it in"

"dude where is my car...dude really where is your car"

"yo mama is so fat , she can crush a nano with her shit"

"don't be so nano"

"man you are so nano in your head"

and goes on... so got any nano lines ?