Wednesday, July 5, 2017

                                                                         The Weaver

                                                                          Chapter One
                                                                        
                                                                                 

'Kazim'




Hands are tied behind to a rusty lift hook, inside of an abandoned shoe factory that once used to manufacture military boots for the red army during the WWII.  On my knees, sackcloth wrapped around my face I could feel blood dripping and falling on the floor. Part of my eyes are not fully covered. Someone had the grace to make me see what I’m facing and where I am in. The uncontaminated, pure, distilled fucking horror.
Ears are deafened by the barking of a 180 pound caucasian shepherd trained to rip my head off if i move an inch. The dog was raised by an Azeri crime boss solely for the purpose of feeding his enemy’s balls to his top combat dog ‘Kazim’. The dog developed a profound taste for human testicles and particularly that of his master’s enemies and would chew them down like marshmallows.
The distance between my face and the full teethed dire wolf like beast is just centimeters away.
 I’m praying to gods from the times to the inca, to whoever they sacrificed in machu picchu and even the Greek gods, so loud thinking I could wake one of them to come down and save me …or any damn miracle. Tease of dismay that slaps my consciousness now and then realizing that the miracle I’m begging for is just not going to happen because I-fucked-It-up real nice this time.
I think of adjusting my body weight because I’m tired of being on my knees for almost 10 hours now, then i won’t see my face or perhaps myself in the mirror again. If that chain which is holding back the dog breaks, I better be prepared to feel the most excruciating pain that i could ever imagine. I will peacefully embrace the sweetness of death and watch the monster eat me limb to limb.   
I have lost all of my communication with my unit and they have no trace of me. I last saw few men take my tactical equipment and my SAT phone. I got nothing other than the cloth around my face. The only thing I feel and have is the cocktail of pain, fear, sadness, no hope and the breath of the chained demon laughing in front of me and the coldness of -15 degrees and stranded somewhere on borders of Kazakhstan.

When you conspire with the KGB and sign up as a double agent being undercover for 3 years for a drug operation to bring down a Serbian drug mogul, you rather sign the pact with the devil.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Social networking, must learn from Indiblogger.In

It’s been more than a decade since the launch of world’s largest social networking sites and today most of them have moved away from its social nature, their attention and focus has lessened to contribute values to the community of people that they once tried so hard to create.  Once the millions or billions of user base is made then the only constant plan is to capitalize, market, and trade users for corporate advertising budgets and tweaking , re-modeling the revenue making machine.
A true social networking site’s objective must be to create a network of people with various interests, collect them using one common interest, categories them and connect them with specific interests. Leave the big data aside, people are not just data, they are not just numbers, the value of people in a social networking platform is more than just data.
That is what the thought that ran into the mind of the maker of Indiblogger.in.
The idea was not just to create India’s largest bloggers only directory, but also a network of bloggers across the nation and facilitate and support the efforts of those bloggers in their everyday contribution. While the bloggers were at it, Indiblogger team constantly thought of what they must do to give something in return to the people in its network.
I used to have about 300-400 people on my facebook with whom I share updates once in a while, they share things at random that they like to, once in a while. It may be relevant to few and not so interesting to many. I have not seen these people or know if they really exist.  I remember once a social media strategist was offering services for just to increase the ''likes'' creating 50-100 facebook profiles by mobile phone registration and his cost included buying 50-100 SIM cards for validating user profiles. Did facebook knew or cared to protect the integrity of its network and safeguard the interests of its people in its community?  
On the other hand, the bloggers only network in the making of its real time engagement platform upheld  its guidelines no matter if it affects the count new members. Manual moderation is not simple, it is a meticulous verification and validation process with reference to its guidelines and with few controlled steps allows a new user to register. This has keep the network's environment pollution free of spammers and unrelated gibberish.
The people who exist in this network are real people, and I have met most of them.  If I was home I would have met them all by now.  And so do other bloggers who read a blog posts or follow a certain blog can meet the other bloggers in person during blogger meets.  
The blogger meet concept came from bloggers, it has kept the spirit of blogging and its is certainly a positive way to bring in lot of values to the blogger community.
There were more than 200 blogger meets held so far in the country connecting thousands of bloggers across the nation in the span of 7 years , i.e minimum of 2 blogger meets per month. Not sure if any other social network has achieved something of this scale.
Indiblogger’s idea is not to just to market the opportunities using the platform for commercial value but to find synergy within this mixed group and have organizations to understand and identify effectiveness of using this medium. 
Till today, the team has concentrated on bridging the gap, creating new gateways, enhancing the platform, and making sure the bloggers are finding the platform as a wall of expression, a window of opportunity and doors that opens to million other things.  
During these events bloggers are encouraged, bloggers are honored, bloggers are motivated and ensure bloggers do what they best do, blog. Every blogger is a winner in the network no matter they participate in those countless contests that IndiBlogger hosts.  It is immeasurable to value the feeling of bloggers and their respect for IndiBlogger compared to the value of those prizes they won.
This is social networking, this is truly social networking.
What Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey must learn from this network’s ideology is that their networking platform was created by a community of people, if it wasn’t for the people, we know or we don’t know what would they would be doing now. And moreover IndiBlogger concept and model was not an imitation of any platform during the period of its inception.
Those billion dollar social networking firms must understand that they must choose to spend less time with their legal team and financial audit members and engage more with the people in real time.

Indiblogger.in is working on saving the ever endangered species called bloggers and taking measures to prevent their extinction. That is good some working. 

Saturday, January 11, 2014

White Board Painting

I had some extra time, who am i kidding, i have a lot of spare time now and i've been doing this and that, have been here and there lately. one of which was went sailing , -4 degrees and catching crabs near the oman border on the eve of new year's.
 been a while since i was here. thought i would swing by to update my digital journal with something i would call it art, i call it art cause this kind of art does not need to be perfect. its not like the other types of art like knowing to play the compositions of Mozart or Beethoven which has to be perfect else it would be unpleasant noise.
most famous paintings has a title, well this is not going to be famous as this painting was done by me, and moreover it is no longer on the board now. i erased it...a lost masterpiece indeed,. this is one sitting job, started at 3 in the morning over 3 hrs... i need to see a sleep doctor for sure.
who the hell is calling me now...



Saturday, July 13, 2013

The way we were and now !


The rich has money, so nothing to worry, the poor has any, so less to merry, but it is the one between goes through the chaos.  Brought up in a middle working class family, dad works hard, mom works at home taking care of us and the home and our duty is to obey our parents and adhere to social demands.
I’m glad that though we were brought up with many hardships, we are now able to understand the value of things, and respect our parents what they have done for us to be who we are today. But it really sadness and it is sure a matter of concern about how kids are raised today. I see modern day parents and the methods of parenting are going too extreme. Their love for their kids is weakening them and they have no power to place important control mechanisms. Today’s kids start to rebel at the age of 5. Blame the parents for letting things fall free. Maybe because that they want to give their kids the best, but they fail to understand that if they make it all too convenient for their kids, the kids will never be able to understand or realize that life is not a rainbow to go on ice skating.
I write this because of particular event that happened recently in my apartment building. I was just getting back from meeting and it was a hard day at work and I forgot my keys to my apartment. I rang the bell and was waiting for someone to open the door.  The time I was waiting, I could hear the neighbor’s 15 yr old girl yelling at her mother, it was like as if something has possessed her or I felt the devil was talking as I have never such words that can come out of a child’s mouth.
“you fucking bitch, you have fucking no right to ask me what I’m up to or what I’m doing’, you fucking asshole, stay out of my business, whore! You don’t know what I’m capable of; I will pour gasoline and burn you to death while you are sleeping bitch! Just don’t put your nose into my business you piece of shit, I will cut you  into two”
I was banging on my apartment door hoping to have someone open the door sooner and let me in. I just want to shut myself behind, cuz it really frighted me, i fear that tomorrow these kids will grow up and they will kill us while we are sleeping. It won’t be zombies, it will be these kids turning against us for doing the right thing, or doing the wrong thing as they presume it.  
At that time I just put myself in her mother’s shoes and felt, that the day I held her in my arms as a baby, kissed her on her forehead and prayed to god that to protect her from evil, raise her like a princess, to be gentle, kind, and forever loving me.  I will raise her with all my love and I will do my part to protect her and offer the best of life.  But what has become of that mother’s prayer is so not right at all.
 I thought of how we were raised, if we even try to say something back, or even think of rebelling against our parents, the next moment our parents will not hesitate of throwing us out on the street and lock the door.  It scared us that without their love, support we are nothing and nobody else will care or love like those two individuals.


This respect and commitment from one human to another taught us, or at least me that what is more important and how must you value things in life.
To all the parents out there, in the name of love, don’t destroy your kids. They are influenced from the society and the things that they see. They are taking only the bad things and closing their eyes on the good things. I’m not trying say that to raise your children like the Amish family, but while offering anything as a parent ensure you make your child understand the value, relate things more to life. When your child throws food at your face, don’t feed them for a day so that they realize the life of a hungry poor child out there who prays that someone throws a piece of bread at them.  Sometimes tough love and necessary toughness is required to bring things back to right alignment.

Consider this if only you care about bringing your child as a good human being.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Mars Rover Image Analysis - What the heck is that?

So i was browsing over the world wide web , searching for things that can  amuse me that includes bang bus videos...i have few websites that i usually check out for updates and one of them is wired.com. they had recently put up images received from Mars Rover, very interactive 360 degree, images, you can zoom in and zoom out and i was tripping on those images...zooming in and out, looking for intelligent species, optimus prime, or alien dinosaurs but i couldn't spot anything or anyone.

Also, i was thinking 'hey this must be somewhere in the middle east or Arizona'. this is another scam like man on the moon types and just then, i came across something that looked like paper? or silver foil? i wasn't too sure so i would like to be announced and claimed as the first guy who discovered paper on Mars. expecting NASA to give me call anytime soon or the NSA to call me and ask me to keep this as a secret, sorry too late for that!

the interesting part is that this piece of paper or foil reflects on the rock so well...how can something reflect on a muddy, sandy rock surface,or can it ?

take a look at the below images...





Just as i thought i found something that is going to send me straight to the next mission to Mars i saw this image on the side of other set of images... "curiosity found numerous shiny objects..." damn the curiosity sometimes disappoints you !

My mission to Mars ends here! 





Monday, May 6, 2013

It was not an accident. It was assassination!






This post is not dedicated to anyone or anything, if you take it seriously then I cannot help you.  If you want to sue me, bring it on!
You can be whatever you want to be, and what this man chose to be is an animal lover. Well, I love animals too, but there is sure a point where you draw a fine line, as in me showing the love for them.  I would not stalk it, set up cameras on its head, sneak up behind it, jump on it and show it to the camera, make a statement , no, period. If you are a true animal lover, you will just keep your distance from it, let it to go on its way and it will let you go on yours.
This a story about a man who loved animals too much that he dint even know that the animals really hated him.  Steve Irwin, ‘the crocodile hunter ‘I’ve never heard of an animal lover with a nick name ‘hunter’.  Or he must love all the animals except for the crocodiles. Maybe there were incidents in the past which would have made him hate crocs, may be as a child he was molested by an alligator or he just hates their faces. You never know, there are some people who hates pandas, never know.
So this all started in a remote undisclosed location in Kenya during a summer of , let’s say 1999, (cuz he wasn’t there to see 2009). The sun was baking everyone in the region. It was like the commies in nam facing the flame throwers. The turkeys in the Kenya felt it was already thanksgiving.  (Though thanksgiving wasn’t part of their culture or I’m not sure if there are turkeys in Kenya). Basically it was a zillion degrees hot.  The rivers were dry, the wilder beast migrated to the next town for food and water, the lions were like screw that we are not going anywhere, something will come by. In totality, It was a bad situation.
during this catastrophic situation, on a small patch of muddy water near the dried up banks of the river laid a lone croc name ‘rico’ he was already started smelling stuffed gators a specialty dish made by those hillbillies but he stayed put, calm, ‘god have mercy on me, I will go to church starting next Sunday if you let me survive this summer’. There was no water, the rivers bed was barren land and looked like grandma’s cracked foot.  No fishes, no deer to come and drink water so these crocs can sneak up and bite and pull it down by its head (courtesy national geographic channel; boy have you see them?  those are amazing shots!) Anyways, so there is nothing much happening in the Rico’s life this summer, this aint and there was nothing to motivate to live through another day. But this was almost turning to be spring break in Miami when he saw this big booty she croc just crawls by him and gives him the look (what’s up sugar) I’m talking beyonce booty croc. Now Rico is excited and he thanks god for this moment and follows her into the bush.  They exchange words, talking dirty, oh look at your skin girl, you make louis vuitton bags look good. And the next scene is almost like animal porn types what they show on discovery channel and it’s all happening in there.   The lovely croc couple forgot the world of misery and were into it so deep and oh yea the crocs were like ‘give it to me baby o yea yes yes’…and that is when rico felt some thing grabbed him by his tale and he goes like ‘damn girl that’s a nice move’.  Next thing he know his ass is been dragged out of the bush like the scene from paranormal activity, rico screams like a bitch and suddenly  he get tazed and realizes there was a nasty piece of smelly cloth on this face too, he couldn’t see.  
What happens next is the event that changed the man’s life.
The thing that grabbed rico’s tail was none other than Steve, he pulls him right out of the puddle, throws his shirt on him, blinds him, lift him by his tail, measures him and flips him over and says , “crikey look at the size of that”!
Rico still trying to understand wtf just happened and the same time he is pissed and get really mad at Steve “what do you mean by look at the size of that? Look at the size of what mother f*****?  You grabbed me by my tail while I’m having  intercourse with my lady, flip me over, tagged me with something really hurtful thing into my neck, showed my private parts on national television and you asking them to look at the size of that? Damn man, what is wrong with you and get off me man, stop touching me. I was having a nice time in the bushes with my girl and you ruined it you massive moron. This is serious violation of animal rights.  Hey!  tell me, when you are in your house, with your family and you having a nice dinner with wine and shit, you get into the mood, listening to Prince, you take your wife upstairs and you guys get on it, did I ever walk into your bedroom? have I ever pulled you out of the bed by grabbing your legs, hung you upside down and showed your butt naked ass and  pointing to your white balls said, look at the size of that ?! Have I?, so who gave you the right to do this to me mate?! , I was having something so important that I could’ve made me live through another day of shit im going through right now mate, and you come by all the way from wherever the fuck you are from and  touching me inappropriately and telling look at the size of that?! Really?
Steve dint care as he could not hear or understand what animals think about him, he finishes his work and let go of Rico, and Rico runs straight back into the bushes and Steve turns to the camera and starts his usual things, ‘such a beautiful creature’ I have tagged him and I will come every summer to study him more closer”. (oh  crap) . So this continued the next year, the following years and Rico was getting old and tired of this. He had to do something and he calls up the animal council to deal with this situation.
The council consists of the most senior and experienced members in the animal kingdom. The president was ‘Theo’ the tortoise, about 300 yrs old, ‘Chang’ the white mantis very insightful though he is skinny and afraid of chameleons.  And the grey owl, ‘Morgan Freeman’, he is the director of strategies for the council.  
With the liberty of a senior member, Theo begins the discussion about the issue that Rico had been nagging the entire community for the past few years and this has become a recurring incidents with not just crocs but also to other animals and lot of different other ‘crikey look at the size of that!’ incidents in various locations. “This is a raising concern and we have warned this man in half pants several times by our gestures, we have sent the elephants at him, lions at him, stinging bees at him, snakes at, hell we sent almost everything we got but none of that did frighten him, instead he sneaked up during the night, hit us with a tranquilizers and bags us to make us be a part of his zoo gig and make money out us in exchange of our freedom!”  We have been violated of our rights to exits, our space to be, our other unspoken things that we do in the forest and the only way to stop him is he should cease to exist. What say ?!”  , “amen to that brother” , unanimously.
Chang had to share his research he had done on Steve collecting facts for the past few years about him and he came up with really weird and ridiculous things, that it is impossible to kill Steve on land or air, or on the water, he can only be killed when fully submerged in water! These kinds of facts can only be known to animals and not humans. Believe it or not! That’s just the way it is. Deal with it.
The strategic department came up with a plan and asked a team of ocean navy seals to conduct a 24 recon/surveillance on Steve’s activities and movements. Few months later they came up with intel sending a message to the council that Steve was about to go on a deep sea diving, shark feeding and video taping of another episode of how awesome he is with animals off the coast and this might be the only chance to clip him.
Morgan could think of only one asset to mobilize in that region and that was Sting ‘Sugar’ Ray, the most stealthy and skillful assassin of all times and highly reliable hitman/hitfish (whatever).  He sends a word and Ray accepts the mission.  24 hrs after the mission was accepted, the council waited for the word of confirmation. They got the news and to verify the information they tuned into the Human Planet on tv.
The news was confirmed and what they heard was “ 44 year old  Steve Irwin was pierced by the serrated poisonous sting ray as he swam with the creature on Monday while shooting a TV show on the great barrier reef”
The council was in silence for about 30 seconds and Theo pulled his head slowly into his shell and started to walk towards the sunset, Morgan and his team went into isolation for couple of years, Chang left for Tibet to mediate for rest of his life in Shaolin and, Rico knocked up beyonce the next summer and had 5 children, they lived happily ever after until the crocodile poachers came by one summer afternoon and peeled of their skins… damn it!
The moral of the story is don’t catch a croc by his tail and show is wee wee to the camera, no that’s not the moral. We have to love and protect animals, but if you over do it, you need protection from them! 

Monday, April 29, 2013

Rebels without a clue



We were four of us who had our own opinions and views that were different from the rest.  We just wanted to belong in a balanced system, a system that treated everyone as equals and respect each other with stateliness no matter what. We believe in treating everyone equal and we expected the same.  We did not understand the difference between rich or the poor nor did we had the need to.  
But the system we belonged to perplexed us. The rich only respects the rich and the poor only understood the poor. 


This was all at school, a place expected where people are given the gift of wisdom to see the difference between right and wrong, bad and good.  But if the school become a sanctum of the corrupt and preaches heinous plans to application, that’s when the fundamentals get really fucked up.
This is the true story of four fundamentally fucked up kids who chose to prove a point that ‘we can do things without you’. We were in the 8th grade!
We decided to leave the system behind us to create our own. A world of our own where creation is only for the righteous purpose and no place for error or stupidity.  A new world order to be in place where everyone is supplied with things needed for survival and existence with harmony, integrity and peace.
There was Rajesh, the chill pill, Niranjan, the guy with massive paranoia without any external force or substance but big at heart, Prabhu, a very normal kid who was just there with us, just there, and Me, who nodded yes to everything. 
 So the plan was to break free from the unnecessary burden on our simple life which did not give us anything but kept taking things from us and we knew that it isn’t worth one bit. We wanted to get away from school, which had long arms that held us tight even at home, the society, the people around us wanted to evaluate our existence depended on one thing; how are you at school? No one cared how is the school at you?!
We had to decide a time to leave, a place to go, a place where we start on our own, build things on our own and create a system that self sustains and has the right balance over things.

We had to carefully choose a day this time, because last time we attempted was during a half day school session. You have 7 days in a week. And they expected us to come to school the 6th day, Saturday to school?  ‘But half day only’, oh thank you for the discount. So we tried to leave on a Saturday school and I think the idea came from  Niranjan that,  hey let’s get to the high way and stop a truck , that travels cross country and ask them to take us to the last stop and we will see it from there.  So instead of getting to the national highway we were just at one of cities main intersection, at Madhya khailash, and we stopped a mini truck that was heading towards OMR. Back then we had no clue, where the north and south were and we did not have a “plan”. So we stopped the truck, everyone climbed into the back and sat. There was silence for about a min and the driver turns and asks us, “where to?”  He looked like he just got out of prison for killing 4 school students who stopped him for hitch hiking. Sitting there we telepathically sent messages to each other that let’s not die this way, so let’s all jump of the truck together and run. So we got up, jumped and ran. In the process some of us got badly bruised.                                                                                        
So we got to plan this, no more stopping random buses and trucks inside the city.

Once again, Niranjan came up with the plan telling us that he had experience in living in the forests as his home town was a hill station called Yercaud, about 400 kms from the city. He said that since he got forest survival skills, we can survive in the forests. But Indian forests are not so deep and thick like you will be lost or something, one can spot you or you might find civilization by walking about 10 hrs any direction.
So he chose the place to be the Sathyamangalam reserve forest in the Salem district, a decent forest to hide and live. But there was a problem, it was not the animals, he said he will take care of that, he said he knows too well about animals and how to hunt them. His grandfather had an air rifle and a photograph of a dead bison, so we agreed that it qualifies him to take the lead in the forest. But the other problem he told us was that the forest is actually home to one of India’s most wanted criminal gang, the Great Sandalwood Smuggler Veerapan , tada! and he doesn’t like anyone else peeing in his territory.  Moreover that is still TamilNadu, and you have not gone so far away from home.  The plan must be a good one and a big one.
I suggested and came up with another place that everyone agreed to, the Forest of the 7 hills. The 7 hills is a sacred place for the Hindus. It is where the temple of Lord Venkatachalapathy is located. I have been there a lot of times. It is a good forest, with good supply of food and water and less of animals. And there is no one hiding there and it will be a place just for us to begin the world with new orders. Ok cool, everyone agrees, the 7 hills it is, to the 7 hills, 7 hills or bust, 7 hills baby!

Now we got to choose a day , see the day is crucial, it must give us time to get away so that our people don’t come looking for us before we are out of sight. We must choose the day in such a way there must be enough time to get out of TamilNadu border.  Why?  We didn’t know why but it was just our instincts.
We all had to stay put and wait for the day to come and… there it was.  The school announced that there is this kid in school who can float on water for hours and he is going to take us all to a nearby lagoon to show how it is done.  When they announced this, we broke into laughter, there is nothing to show off, you have a condition, and your body has more air than liquid so get it checked.  It wasn’t any theory of density or shimsity, it was just gas.  We had tons of jokes on his account after that was announced.  The best part is that it came on TV, and in the news!  Anyhow, so we picked that day. The day on which he is going to float and we are going to flee.
This kid was rich, he had managed to hire like a dozen of buses and managed to put everyone in there and take them all to show them how he can float on water. The highlight is that he would attach a motor to his back and go like a motor boat and that cracked us up even more.  We all thought he just wanted to be popular in the school.  But what we did on this day accidentally made us popular in many other schools as well.  
We told our parent’s good bye with a face like, ‘you will not see us for a long time’, and just left without much to say. At the school, we all assembled in the class room and the teacher told us wait to for her call to board the buses, we didn’t not bother to wait for the call and did not board our buses. We told we are just going to the nearby grocery to get some water bottles.  We stood by the grocery and watched all the buses leave.
We changed our uniforms to colored clothes. We had to get to the bus stand to catch the next shuttle available for taking us to the central train station. But I told them that the trains to Thirupathi were always scheduled before noon and we should get there soon. Bus might delay us more.  We need to find a faster mode of transportation to get there before the train departures.  Niranjan went on his on ‘oh shit oh fuck’ mode and told us let’s take a taxi. Taxis are expensive. We told him that we don’t have that much money to travel in taxi , and moreover we planned to board the train without tickets and hide when the checking inspector comes.  That was our plan.
He said no need for all that, I will handle everything about expenses here on. We didn’t care how he did it but we just got a taxi and headed to the train station. We reached there and went straight to the reservations and there was a train departing in 1 hr to Thirupathi.  We bought the tickets and waited for couple of hours and while we were waiting, we started to think of the next set of plans. 

So with Niranjan’s forest survival skills we were pretty sure to start our lives there. But what are we building there and how are we building it. What about fire, food, vessels to cook and how are we going to sustain ourselves.  All these were very concerning to us but we know we are really “smart” to figure that out later. Now let’s just wait for the train, the train pulled up and we got into our compartments and the rest of the journey was just awesome!
We reached Thirupathi around 5 pm and we started to walk to the nearby bus station to find a bus that can take us to the top of the hills, we will cut the journey mid way and walk into the forest.  We had to stop at the nearby market to get essential survival tools, knifes, ropes, matches, and other stuff that we thought we will need. 
Niranjan suggested that we take a taxi again, because these buses won’t stop mid way. We were like, dude we don’t have the money! He told us not to worry about that. That’s when Rajesh gave me the look, that look means that we got to check into details once again. So we took a taxi and during the travel I saw the Rajesh was just thinking and Niranjan was talking, like what we should do during the time in the forest.  We are going to be like the robin hood of Sherwood Forest, take it all from the riches and give it to the poor.
So how exactly we are going to do that?  We will make masks, we will hide in the bushes and wait for the lone vehicles that will drive over night in the mountains. We will stop those vehicles and rob them at knife point. But we should see who we are stealing from, it cannot be poor people, it must be the rich ones only. Cuz we knew only the rich will carry tons of gold and money and go to the temple to offer to the gods. Our ideology was that god will not need any money, else we would be among us today if he needed. So that’s why he is god you morons. The one who needs money is the poor souls created by god to whom you should serve and by doing so you are directly serving god. This is what we wanted to tell them, It is so simple but they wouldn’t get it. So we got to show them, teach them, squeeze them… and put my foot in… never mind. So that was the plan!
Prabhu said that we need to start with blessings, that’s when he opened his mouth and said something. He said lets all go up the the temple, and pray to god and then proceed with our plans. Rajesh said it was lame, and I said it is lame, Niranjan said no, it is good to do that, and I said yes it is good to do that.  But it was late and the time for the visiting the temple was closed. We had to rest somewhere and then head to the forest. Now we had not time to waste. So Niranjan suggested let’s wait till the morning for day light and then we walk into the forest and set base there. We cannot navigate in the dark.
So we sat there and were thinking about the whole day while Niranjan and Prabhu went for a stroll and me and Rajesh begin to discuss about how does he have all that money to do all this. He took care of the entire trip, the travel, the tickets, the taxi, the food and the forest survival kits. Then it struck us, Niranjan is rich, his father is a doctor and he come from a rich family.
We were supposed to come out with nothing from our homes but someone did not do that. So we began to worry. That’s when we heard two girls crying and we turned to see that it was Niranjan and Prabhu, we were like what the fuck is wrong with you both.  You guys are drawing a lot of attention man.  They explained and told us that every single second we spend here our parents are looking for us, they will be so worried and concerned. We should go back to them.  Rajesh got so angry he went at Prabhu thinking it was he who made Niranjan changed his mind. But it was actually the other way. So me and Rajesh decided to stay back and asked them to leave.  They begged us to come along with them.  I’m sure we would have eventually done that after a week but we just got here man!  If we go back we fail!
They created a big scene there and we just had to go back with them. But on the way back the chill pill said lets relax and go , cuz we are going to face a big storm back home. So be prepared. There is no train to Madras in the middle of the night so we had no other option but take a bus. The tickets were expensive because it was a luxury bus, but Niranjan said he will take care of it. Again!
So I and Rajesh were together on one side and Prabhu and Niranjan were on the other side, besides us. During the travel, the lights were of and everyone was sleeping. Rajesh woke me up and told let’s check his bag because whenever he wanted cash, he put his hand inside the bag. We reached out to his bag and open to check what’s in it. It     was    a     bag    full     of     cash!  Hot    cash!  Like he had robbed a bank.
Rajesh told me that we are in a bigger problem as we three came out of the house without taking money but he had stolen a lot of money and by now people back how  would have realized it about the missing money. And they will be waiting for us with cops. Ok cops are bad people to face at this time, and I don’t know how things will end up when they involve. So Rajesh asked me to empty the pockets dry and keep all the money back and leave some cash in Niranjan’s shirt top pocket. That’s it.
We kept the bag where it was and went back to sleep. At 3 am we reached madras and took an auto from ‘Thondiarpet’.  That’s when Niranjan, came up with a lame ass plan that to tell our parents that we were kidnapped.  Rajesh was still thinking with no reaction to say yes or no to that and I knew he won’t agree to that. But to my surprise he did yes. He then looked at me and smiled. I knew he was thinking of something.  We first went to Niranjan’s house cuz he wanted to get there first.  I think it was all the guilt trip that made Niranjan to head back home soon.  He couldn’t take it anymore. But he should have told us all what he packed and what he did. If he hadn’t taken that amount of money, he probably wouldn’t have volunteered to step back.  As we were nearing his house we saw a bunch of people standing in front of the gate. I wanted to check if my parents were amongst them and yes my father was. He was looking  relaxed, like no reaction , not anger or rage on his face. I just couldn’t read his face. As soon as the autoricshaw stopped Niranjan ran out crying to his dad, we got kidnapped!
It was so hilarious that Rajesh laughed and so did I.
I mean come on at least build up to it man. You jumped of a rickshaw and ran like a chick and cried out with a very fake crying tone ! we got kidnapped ! oh my god I can still remember that . Rajesh kept his cool walked up to his dad to explain.  My father was just looking at me, just staring at me. I don’t see anger on his face, he just looking for something on my face. He was reading it carefully. So I know that telling him bullshit ain’t going to work so let’s just tell him what happened.
And I turned to see what going on with the other fellows and I saw Niranjan’s dad as he was speaking to him checked his pockets and found the cash that Rajesh had placed in his top pocket. And I noticed Rajesh too was looking at that scene and turned looked at me and smiled. Now we are off the hook of stealing or doubt of influencing to steal.  Our bags were checked too, only clothes and few packets of biscuits.
It was so late that everyone had to disperse and go to their respective homes.  The next day we all had to go to school.  At home, mother went hysterical and I also saw my sister adding more fuel to the fire. She was in the same school and she was good with academics and was a little popular at school so for her it is going to be a disaster to face her friends.  So she was hysterical in her own ways. Not because I left home. Hehehe… my father told everyone to go back to sleep and we shall sort this in the morning.
Next day was school and we four came to school. Everyone were looking at us. I mean the whole school was looking at us. Now everyone knew us. They were all looking at us as if we landed from mars. No one spoke to us, oooh bad kids, nobody should talk to them… fuck’em we dint care. We had a mission but we had to abort it because of weak team members. 
Later we were called by the principal (apparently his name was Venkatachalapathy) and we stood inside his office the whole day. Our parents came in the afternoon had a discussion and in the end the outcome was little disturbing to us.  Niranjan was asked to move out of the school, Prabhu decided to move out, I and Rajesh could continue. 

Niranjan was a good friend to me and were always together since the 3rd grade. We had our good times but I did not wish this to happen for him. He felt devastated that his friends had let go of him and I feel what he went through that day, maybe a feeling of betrayal. My sincere apologies old friend!  Rajesh and me remained close and kept in touch after school times. Prabhu was never seen after that.
  

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Surprises for toppings!


When times are tough and when you feel like there is no light at the end of this tunnel, you might want to take your mind of that feeling and think about something that can make you feel good.
So what I do is, I forget the current state of things and I choose to think of the good past. See, there are two kinds of the past, the good and the bad, it is better to think of the good past because the bad past will trouble you even more.
I always do this self therapy sessions and it helps me keep calm and feel that its all going to be ok.

I think of somethings from the past, somethings that has made get through life all the way. I chose to think of those moments of joyful surprises. It was mostly my parents who surprised. Im surprised that they still love me :).
Im mean  no one else, no school friends, no college friends, no girl friends surprises (yea right tell me about that).
Starting from the age that i could begin to remember things, as in storing those moments in my memory, and these are event from pre kindergarten and very early years of my life.  Some things that never can be erased, memories i will take it with me to my grave!  things that I know it would flash in my eyes during the time of my sweet death. 
So i'm noting all this down , if in case i lose my memory i can look this up and think that i had a wonderful life, as a child and the rest of my adult hood was just a black hole.

1.       It was when my mother had planned in feeding me, get me taste some non vegetarian food, she might of thought i wouldn’t like it or would i? So she had to do this with a plan that she had in her mind. It was one afternoon, like as usual, around half past noon she will call me to have lunch and i mostly prefer to sit on the veranda or the stairs of the back door that opens to the backyard.
S    I was sitting in the veranda and she came with vessels that was more than the normal course, it was usually a bowl of rice with curry and some vegetable as sides.
      On this particular day there was a plate on which there were rice balls all shaped that looked like a cue ball, she took one, dipps into the curry and gave it to me. What she had done is that she had placed a small shred of steamed fish, hid it inside the center of each ball of rice. As I was munching on it I got to the part where i hit the piece of fish and my eyes grew big and I turn and look at my mother and she was smiling, I was thinking“what has she done that it taste so different but whatever she has did, she did good”. I was silent for a moment because i was sinking into the feeling of this fresh new taste and also because I had food in my mouth. I had to wait and chew it down and I look at her again and asked her, “ma what is that I taste different with the rice?” she smiled and said “its fish, do you like it”?, she was so eager to know my response. She likes fish,  from the place we come from, Kerala, fish is one of the main item in everyday meal. And we cook fish so feel it tastes best. At that time the closest I’ve come to a fish is a golden fish that I had in a small fish bowl. I got up and went inside to check on the fish. There was the bowl and so was the fish inside. I was just making sure i'm not eating that one. I went back to my mother and I said “I liked it ma can I please see it?” and she had kept the plate of fish curry right beside her and she showed it to me and that was the first time I’m seeing the fish that I ate it in the form that it totally blew my mind . And even more surprised me that I tasted so good. Till date, I love fish, in any form, size, shape. 

      Few more that comes to my mind now as i wrote the previous para
...
2.       As a child  I spent most of my time outdoors, mostly the back yard , now don’t visualize a back yard with a tree house, with cherry and apples trees and playful rabbits and black swans in the pond. The backyard i spent my time was like a thick rain forest themed landscape, wild and rich with nature's love. I even felt it had weather of its own. There were a foot long centipedes, green vine snakes, mongooses, bull frogs, chameleons, giant spiders, bugs that looked like it had horns like the rhinos, dragon fly that stung if you try to catch it, these things just kept me totally occupied. There is nothing i will think about when i'm inside that space. I dint need anything else, just my backyard. The neighborhood kids where older than me and they played cricket mostly and my mother was not willing to see me with bruises on an everyday basis, I was too small to play with them. So one day she planned to finish all her house chores and take me to the nearby park. I’ve only heard of this park but never been inside. Usually when I pass through the park I hear the  kids laughter and but I wont be able to see any of them, I can only hear them because the park was surrounded and covered with trees. It was a thick tall  wall of ‘ashoka’ trees. 
She told me in the evening that she is taking me to the park that i was always curious about. I was too excited and couldn't wait. 
When we reached near the park I was thinking to myself, how are we going to get inside this place?  I have not seen the gate or an entrance to the park. My mother took me around the park and walked towards a thick tall brush, as we got closer I realized it was actually the gate. The gate was completely covered by vines. She pushed it open the rusted handle, and it swung open and there I was, the magical land that was just a street away from my house. It was the greatest day of my life. No wonder I heard the kids laughter every time I passed this place.  This is the land of joy and one can live happily ever after here i thought. There was a pond, there was small bridge over the pond, there was fountain which looked like a lotus flower, the whole place was totally a  wonderland to me. I was very surprised that day about this place, I was so happy that my mom wanted to take me to this place.  I’m not sure how the place looks now but the place i'm talking about is the indira nagar children's park, near to hindu school in adayar, Chennai. 

3.       My father was a busy man, he worked almost seven days a week and it was real hard physical work. He worked at the Port of Madras as a service engineer for the ships that docked there.  The dust, the dirt that one cannot imagine is what he used to carry back home on his shirt, trousers and layers of coal. Its was real heavy hard work. He tries his best to give good times and best times for his family. His level of patience and the sacrifices he has done for his family makes him the world’s best dad and my hero.  
It was one sundays after I was acting very cranky and as I child I really dint understand the value of Sunday for a hard working person like my dad. I mean these guys wait for that one day and that one day we kids won’t let them have it. (Children are like punishment for young parents for having sex!p- courtesy evelyn harper, two and half men)
I was just bored and back in those days there was only limited amount of good tv shows on national tv. No cable, no cartoon network, no nothing.  On Sundays, most kids felt like chronic alcoholics on a dry day. 
I just wanted to get outside the house and do something new, my father gave up, asked my mother to pack few change of clothes and some towels in a bag and asked her to get me ready. He told her that he was taking me to the beach and my mother was “oh the beach? are you sure you to take him to the beach?” with a very concerned tone, and i was thinking like wow wow wow hold on a second, im right here and I can hear you guys so could someone please tell me what is a ‘beach’? is that a place where kids get grounded for bad behavior? 
I was asking him all the way during the ride on his bike, 'what is a beach'? and he just kept repeating to me “you will see, you will see,” with a poker face , so I really was worried of what is coming next.
As we were nearing the place we were heading, the skyline changed, it was more blue sky, clear sky, and I can’t see much of trees or buildings and it was all strange to me to see such open sky. I have never been to this side of the town before.  The roads got sandy as if we are almost off road and my dad stopped his bike and asked me to get off. He parked it next to a grocery store and we started to walk. All the way I could smell salty fish and kept asking him “where are you taking me?”, and he kept repeating “you will see, you will see”…We walked for close to a mile and at a far distance I saw a bright white big structure with a arc like the gate of a moghul's palace and to my level of knowledge I had then i thought it was the ’taj mahal’, because we had a miniature model of taj mahal a souvenir inside a glass box that was kept as a display piece in the cup board at home and I thought this is the real deal and I yelled “taj mahal” my dad laughed and said no that is not the taj mahal that is the monument built for a sailor who lost his life in these shores.  I dint take my eyes of that structure till I walked passed it as something else caught the corner of my eye and Im seeing the ocean for the first time, the greatest of all surprises. I took the longest breath ever and I just sat there, I kept starring at the waves, I had no words to say and my father is looking at me and back to the sea and he did that many times with a smile on his face. He just trying to read my feelings about the whole thing. I had this sense of fear, terrified, a feeling of  respect for those thundering breaking, rippling waves,the rush of excitement to see amount of water that I have ever seen before, respect for the mighty ocean that swallowed the whole big bright sun and a set of hundred questions that I’m going to nag him with later that day. After about 30 mins of pleasant shock and surprise, my father came to me said to go wet my feet, and slowly enter the water. I was happy to hear those words; I was not very scared, I was only curious. I saw thousands of small crabs in and out the sand running up and down after each wave, I saw small shiny creatures that my dad told me they were star fishes. Back in those days one can see large fishes diving in and out the ways close to the shore. It was fishermen’s paradise. I played for couple of hours and i was not tired and i wanted not to leave . It was becoming dark and we had to head back. I couldn’t wait to tell my mother what I saw that day. When we got home my mother was waiting at the gate for us to return. She saw me and she was glad to see my smiling face and waving at her and entering the garage. When I got inside my mother wanted to know from my dad how I was there, and my father replied, he was ok, he was cool and he played in the water. My mother turned me to me and asked weren’t you scared? I nodded no and I sat down to tell her things that I saw at the beach.

4.       I did not have too many toys to play with but I had no complaints, I would just play with anything that I amuse me. I would spend a whole day with few bugs and build houses for them with leaves and twigs, I would dig deep into the soil to find earthworms, catch a chameleon by its tail and feed the bugs that I caught.  It always fascinated me as how a chameleon which looked like a dried bark of a tree turned so green when it lands on the green grass. Butterflies, huge ones with beautiful colors spread across its wings.  I would catch a pretty one and take it to my mom to show, she would say it is nice but will ask me to let go of it soon as I catch. She did not like me catch butterflies at all.
I was a huge fan of  the comic character ‘tarzan’, my father once rented the movie from a local library, and I liked the way those tribal people used bows are arrows and I used to imitate them.  Maybe my mother was noticing all the monkey things i do. One day my mother called me to the backyard and told me “let me make a toy for you to play with”. She took a small kitchen knife and went to the guava tree that stood at the corner of our backyard, she cut a bark about a meter long and sat down near the well and started to shave it even on all side and made it look symmetrical. First I thought she is making a fishing stick, because she had a roll of twine next to her. She took 3 folds of the twine to the length of the stick and started to plate it in the same style the same way she makes my sister’s hair.
She made the twine to hold strong and checked if it is strong enough. She tied one end to the stick and then she bend the stick with holding between her toes and the she tied the other end. Now, I kind of got the idea what she was making. She checked if the stick is bent right to the center and she pulled the twine and checked the tension.  It was good enough for what she was intending to do.  I was watching everything that she was doing carefully without a question because there was no theory involved and I understood everything from the practical experience visually.  She later took few pieces from a broom. The broom is made of thin stems that you can find in between the stems of a coconut tree. The leaves are removed and only the sticks are stocked, and by tying all the sticks together it is made into a broom to sweep the floors. When these stick are dry they become even more harder and stronger.
She took one straw and held the end with the larger base on to the twine, pull the twine and she told me, watch, she pointed the arrow to a banana tree and said “see where the arrow goes”. The banana tree was at least 20 meters away from us and she then let go of the arrow. I dint realize what happened, the thing I saw is that one of the leaves of the banana tree moved from the stillness, there was no air to move those leaves. I could see the arrow gone half way into the leaf. She showed it to me a couple of times, how to hold, how to aim and when to let go. She asked me to promise me that I would never use it on animals or anyone, she also asked me to promise her not to improvise what she showed me with bigger sticks and sharper arrows. I was blindly saying yes yes yes to everything because I couldn’t just wait to get hands on experience on the bow and arrow that my mother made for me.
It was the most precious gift and the best toy that I got and that was a great surprise that now I have a toy that I really like to play with forever.
Till date, I like to shoot. Bows and arrows, bow guns, cross bows, blow pipes, I go almost every weekend now to the Abu Dhabi armed officers club to practice targets with 9mm.

5.       Birthday parties used to be a huge deal for children back then. I do not remember much of my birthday parties, there is always something more important to celebrate on that day because it also falls on the New Year’s Day, the 1st of January.  So the highlight was always the New Year and nothing else mattered to anyone including myself. All I look forward is to a yummy piece of creamy cake, any cake would do, I just love cakes.
I think it was my 12th birthday. So I think it was the year 1992. This is when my grandmother, my mother’s mother used to stay with us in a small apartment in the city. 
The previous day everyone at home was very busy running up to the grocery store and buying a lot of colored papers, my amooma (grandmother) was making payasam, a traditional dish made only for special occasions and I thought this was all for the new year’s. I had no clue about what they were all upto. In the evening my mother called my sister and asked to invite everyone. She was all out on a door bell ringing spree everyone’s door bell inviting everyone. I dint know what the invite was for.  She also took her bicycle and set out to call more people other than the friends lived in our apartment.
A few weeks back my grandmother was discharged from the hospital. She was treated for macular, a kind of eye disease. My grandmother was very dear to me. She was the sweetest, the most loving and caring person I have ever met. It’s just not to us she was that way, she was a care giver to everyone in her village. Anyone who is hungry can knock the doors of “Pankajakshi” (my grandmother) and they are sure to be treated and well fed. She would also pack whatever she has to take it with them. I learn generosity and to be kind to people who are in need of help from her.
During her time in the hospital I was concerned that there must be somebody to always take care of her and she did have her angel of a person there. A nurse named ‘Sicily’ was taking care of her and was very kind to her. 
On the day of my grandmother’s home coming, I asked my mother if Sicily come home for New Year’s?

Now preparations were going on full swing, the house activities closes by 10pm everyday but tonight everyone was awake past 11pm. I was tired of running around the neighbor hood but I slept soon.
In the morning my mother and father woke me up together with a big smile and kissed me and said “happy birthday” I never had felt so cared or loved like that day. I felt really special. How I wish to remain as a child and wake up to that moment every single day. Nothing else could have mattered. 
I am still sleepy but I want to be awake to feel every minute of the joyous New Year. As I walked into the living room, it was full of colored papers, and big golden sign reads 'happy birthday balu', I’m sure that’s my dad’s work.  There were lots of inflated balloons in a box, my mother was busy helping my grandmother. My sister looking at me who was trying to inflate a balloon and said “happy birthday da”. My father asked me to get ready , he was taking me to the temple.  I wore new clothes and set out to the temple. My prayers were always the same, let there be rain tomorrow and school must be closed. That’s all I pray for
When I came back, the preparations for lunch were all set. It was my favorite dishes spread on the dining table and that made my day! I was and am a culture food enthusiast.
After that great meal I was tired and I needed rest. I took a short nap and my mother woke me up in the evening asked me to get ready. ‘For what?’.  Now the house was even more decorated. It was filled with balloons and color papers. There were boxes of frooti , frooti used to be the most hyped mango juice back then and it was everyone’s favorite, even my grandmother would be tripping on the juice sometimes.  Around 5 in the evening, I heard a lot kids outside my door and I thought all the kids are running down to go play, then I hear absolute silence and mixed with giggles and laughter and followed  by a door bell. My mother opened the door and soon as she opened it about a dozen of kids from the apartment along with their parent’s stormed inside the house yelling “happy birthday balu”. Till date, when I see movies or shows where people give the “surprise birthday yell” I would feel, hey no one was ever surprised like I once had.  It was one hell of surprise; I never imagined that so many people can actually turn up for a kid’s birthday. It actually took few minutes for me that I am actually in a birthday party and fun part is that it was my frigging birthday.
And the door was kept open, my mother kept it opened and I remember every 5 mins people were coming in. I dint care of anything else but just wanted the time to stretch as much as it can to share this happiness with the people who are with me now. I was even more surprised that the nurse Sicily from the hospital came to wish me.  There were gifts for everyone, there were so many things to eat, the cake was awesome and the evening was splendid. My father and mother are great hosts and ensured everyone was well received and attended.
I know how much it would have taken for my mother and father to manage that party.
I was not born with a silver spoon but I was the richest kid with the immeasurable wealth of love. It was the only birthday I remember and I’m happy to remember this one only.

6.       I’m not sure if you call that ADD, or you just call that, ‘this shit is boring in class’. Anyhow, I love to imagine things and I would go places with my imaginations. One of the reasons that its hard for me to read books is that I would imagine and create the situation in my head about what I’m reading and I would prefer to stick to those visuals than just text.  ‘mungerli lal ki haseen sapney’ used to be a TV show that my parents used to watch and they used to refer the lead character similar to mine. Due to this ‘super condition’ I had, i was not so great at school, actually I sucked at academics because I also had another issue, they call it weird but I think it was ‘necessary reasoning’. That started too early, it’s just that I couldn’ relate to what I read and what is actually out there.  So I choose to imagine or think about way too many things that are real and more possible. My eyes were always outside the window of my class room. There is a world out there that I should go out and explore right now instead I’m sitting in a class room here every day  for almost 8 hrs, is practically a waste of time and it really was. And I did not like the fact that teachers, who are supposed to teach and share experience and values, are actually the ones messing things up. I hated segmentation in school, I hated discrimination, I hated the first bench attention, I hated the system totally.  I’m glad that the system has changed a lot today, but back then schools were educational institutions managed by people who did not find any other jobs.
When one class gets over, I know there is something bad coming up with the next one and it would land straight on my face. Either a surprise test or load of more home work that is going to eat up my play time, my play time damn it!
So this was one of those days I’m tired and angry with classes after classes, I think I was in the fourth or fifth grade or something, and it was the first class right after lunch. It was the social studies class and i was sleeping with my eyes open. The school peon knocks on the door and walks in with a paper and handed over to my teacher. 
She calls out my name “balaganesh”, which shook me up like a canon ball hitting me right to my stomach. Man the scariest name called is my own name and when it is called by one of the teachers. I must have done something wrong somewhere and I don’t know if I really did that, or when did it happened.  She looked at me and said, “You are wanted in the office, take your bag and everything and leave”, I replied “I didn’t do anything”. With a frown she replied “no, it’s your father, he is waiting for you at the office”. Then I thought man, this is the shit right here, I am done for something that I did not do.  But one thing I was happy is that I’m getting out of school right after the lunch break. Awesome!
As I came down the stairs I saw my dad with a very straight face and no reaction nothing, usually he smiles.  I went close to him but kept a distance. He asked ‘what’s wrong?’ And I said, “you are here in the middle of my classes so you tell me what’s going on”? He then smiled and said, “we are going for a 2 week vacation”, I went like “WHHHAAATTT! Please tell me the truth and don’t play with me right now”. He said “no I don’t have the time to paly, now hop on the bike and we got to go home and get ready”.  Oh my god that was the best surprise ever!!  He takes me away from school middle of my classes and then tells me that we are going for a 2 week vacation and that means no f****** school for 2 whole weeks. Beat that surprise!

These things I keep playing it as my favorite movie that I enjoy to watch over and over again, not missing the tiny details stored in memory. This helps me relax, enjoy and think that life isn’t always a bitch!  
Thanks to my mother and father to always be there to tell me it’s all ok! 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The occasional drink!



when you walk into a bar there are sure a lot of things to amuse you.  This is about one of those bars that I hit occasionally just to watch, observe and imagine what’s going on with everyone there.
I see this  man in his work clothes rushing into the bar like a doc walking into ER, he comes around 8ish , sits at the bar counter and yells out ‘black label, double, neat’, hell yeah! he had a bad day at work, might have almost lost his job, or just lost his job . maybe one of those presentation days that he was completely not prepared, made his secretary do it  and when it was time for presentation, it was all bullshit on each slide.  Imagine the presentation started with ‘hi there’ with the company logo at the bottom, slide 2, ‘how are you all doing ‘with the logo on the side, slide 3, is it a great day for presentation right? with back ground of flowers, logo at the top. And this was a presentation for the company’s financial risk analysis for the first quarter.  Imagine his face changing over each slide, the words in his thought bubble would have been similar to the girl from the exorcist ‘fuck me ‘fuck me’
I see a Korean guy, thinnest man ever, he looks like a stick insect, even walks like a stick insect with arthritis, think he hasn’t looked up at the sky for over a decade, he makes it to the bar counter from the door in about 2 hrs, but finally makes it , too hard to say anything but he just looks, from his looks the bar man understands what he wants to drink at the same time wants to live another day.  But here is the funny part, that greatly amuses me is , when the ladies walk in, man I don’t have any idea where he gets his energy ,I see the ‘arc reactor’ glowing in his eyes, he can come first in a triathlon in 10 mins, I see a transformation of a donkey to a race horse. And after all that giggling and laughing out loud and ‘cheeers’ I see him dragged out of the bar by the bouncers, not because he was misbehaving, it is just to save his life  to a live another day and can return tomorrow to his second home (the bar).
And I sit and wonder, where is he from, what’s the real life of this stick insect? where is his family, what was he like as a child? and why all this now?  Is he overcoming his rejections, or it is just sleep disorders just want to make it through another night of loneliness and misery. Or does he feel like alice cooper in wonderland? God have mercy on his soul’
The old man walks in, must be 200 yrs old, total relic, I think he would have met Jesus chirst. This man should be getting a certificate from the book of records for dropping his glass a zillion times. The waitress hands the drink and shouts into his ears says, sir please hold it with both your hands firmly and drink like the Chinese drink their tea and try not to make a mess, as she turns around, she hears the glass break and a ‘woops sorry’! He is the only guy who i know pays for the glass and the drink. But a gentleman, of course has to be gentle for his age, yea?
And then there is this sudani or a somalian not too sure of his origin, dude walks in like mc hammer, he is sure taking a wrong steroid for the wrong reasons and totally messed up with his sense of clothing. Maybe he is color blind after 6pm. He wears clothes as if he was at Elton John garage sale or going to an Elton john convention, his blings, man they are so fake. come on it reads ‘reebok’? seriously?! now you should be thinking  what kind of a bar am I going to. Trust me it is a much better place than the hip bars I go to .

 This is the bar of real characters and those hip bars are filled with aliens and they just hate looking at each other.  About this homie, he can drink like he has no liver. He wears shades inside the bar, its friggin already dark seems like he uses sonic waves to find his way around.  He thinks he is in miami’s finest black bar, like u’ve seen in dr dre videos. But its not! There is no one to show off dude! all u have is a suicidal man from work, a stick insect, man who met Jesus and then me, who u showing off to?
Oh the ladies? Yea about them, they all need retirement plans. I mean they will have grand children by now, and I would put myself sometime in those children’s shoes and think. My mother is a hooker at some bar far away from home, sends home money for our education, food and clothing, and she does all this by sleeping with strangers. How long will she do this, she too is tired and needs rest, when will I grow up and finish my studies and start working to take her out of hell and bring her back home. Yea when u laugh at somethings , remember to feel sad at somethings too.
do you feel it? or u cant?  I sometime want to change all this with immediate effect.
This is just 10% of my observation and to share there is so much you know… sometime I think there should not be all this at all. cuz this is not something great to share. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

Infiltrating illusions and sheer deception

Leaving India was not something I had planned, ever. But, I had to leave India that is what had meant for me to do. You know the voices in your head, more like the voices in your heart, to say. So I chose to follow my heart.
I had business with the people in UAE, Bahrain and Qatar, and when my wife received an offer to join the health care sector as a trainer/learning and development specialist. I thought it would be ok to move to a new terrain where the "view" would be different.

I have left home before, several times, but never too far as this one would be . I always make it short and I will come back home before the next season changes. 

When i stepped out of the aircraft it was hot, the weather was not friendly, it was someone holding a zippo lit near your face, and sticking it on your cheeks every time the wind blows. It was the time of Ramadan and the middle east experience extreme weather conditions. 
That is when I heard, back home it is dark and raining and my people enjoying the long bottom leaf smoke and whisky.
The minute I landed into the nations of the Arabs, my mind and body started to transform and make adjustments to the new environment. Perceptions that had influenced the mind changed immediately. What we knew of the middle eastern people and the tribe culture is not all that complete. We have been receiving broken information and incorrect news about the people of this land. Now I know why they call the TV the idiot box, and papers as bullshit in print.

Facts are facts and if you have the wisdom, you will have the ability to see the difference. It’s like this, there is existence of hunger in the world and there is existence of ‘black hole’ in the universe, but what we choose to give more attention, makes the difference.

Took off from the road did I? I have that; it is ADD, like I can’t read a book with too many descriptions on a subject. I will start to literally visualizing it and be water coloring it in my mind.
I was picked up by new set of people from the airport, a Canadian couple, my wife’s colleagues. Very kind of them to do that, cuz I wouldn’t do that. On the way they were talking abut the ‘things to do’ here. My first ‘thing to do’ plan was to fill the tub with beer and drown myself to coma.

They were old timers, playing golf, tennis, cycling and the regular old timer things. I was looking for activities that involves a higher level of strain to the body, like mma , kickboxing, horse riding , rock climbing, yes, one of them can kill me. 

So was I inquiring about them about Krav maga classes, if they had any around, the couple did not know what that was so I started to explain to them as it is a Israeli martial arts , combat technique used by mossads  training . And the man driving asked me to ‘stop right there’, I was thinking that he had a question about how to pronounce krav maga , he asked me to repeat and confirm’ did you just say ‘Israeli martial arts’??
I said yes ‘Israeli martial arts’, and he with a warning tone, turned and looked at me as if he works for the intelligence agency, and said “you will never use the word Israel or Israeli in this land. It is forbidden”
So I asked him, why is it forbidden,? Please tell me the exact reason. he repeated 'it is forbidden' So I knew that there was not a real reason as why. But on the surface level most of us who reads and flips through bbc and cnn knows that it is forbidden. Why it started , what was the real reason for it to start. Not a clue.
So now you are making boundaries between me and the Israeli’s? it is the matter left to two tribes, it is the matter left with two governments , it is the matter left to the people who does not matter to us. So why are you making those boundaries?.

 You have come here to dig for gold, get your gold, fill that hole of your life and get out! If I or anyone has the heart to love or give respect each other’s existence, you cannot and will not try to stop it or forbid it.

Can’t blame that man, he reads the paper when he wakes up and watches tv before he sleeps. It is a point where the mind is too weak and resting, so hypnotizing it, is too easy. He is been windup like a toy to repeat things as told but not to reason what has been told.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Will, the real blogger please stand up ?

Through the last few years, until recent times of virtual communication and networking, the concept of blogging and the prominence of blogs in influencing personalities and perspectives have been and are still measured with immense reception. Blogging is the latest modus operandi of content distribution and sharing. Blogs are by itself a repository of knowledge, news, and verticals of information. These platforms provide a personal review of different subjects that revolve around with customized insights from each individual, each blogger. And a blog has many definitions of its own and can go on more about it.
Enthusiasts continue to utilize this medium by the hour, as they realize that communication is important and so is a personal viewpoint. Details that trigger discussions cannot be set by character limitations and needs to be elaborated with clarity, evidences, sensitivity, and references. These details can however then are compared, contrasted, and debated upon between different lines of societal thinking; mainly referring to bloggers who may have thoughts and viewpoints otherwise from what is being stated.
Blogging sets a whole new dimension. In the blogosphere, one does not need a name, a place, a set of people, or the perfect subject to start on with their discussion with the world. The intensity of the subject of a blog and its post is what entices interpreters. No one chooses a blog based on the number of friends he or she has. Unlike other social networking platforms, this is one space you will be known for who you are and not someone you are not.
The concept of blogging has groomed in a manner that it has become more about community building, rather than exhibiting content. Bloggers these days have the power to revolutionize and improve what’s in existence. Just three lines in a post are sufficient to influence a reader and make him accept or disagree about what is being discussed.
Unfortunately, in India , the power of words are not utilized for the right purpose and it is more inclined towards unrealism such as conceptualizing on new theories that does not matter to anyone, Bollywood (the Indian movie industry ) cricket and corporates who treats bloggers as content developers and not people who would really influence decisions . This goes to the main stream media as well such as the press, commonly known as propagandist and corporate whores. They are always asked, paid for, and made to write the content directly or indirectly. The questions is, are both medium realistic or more materialistic?
What’s interesting is that in India there are more than 2 lakh + bloggers, the regional language ones are more than the ones who writes in English. The difference is that, the regional ones talk about the real world and the facts and the other mostly about the world they have made of their own. The readership is less for the later compared to the former.
We fail to understand the medium called blog that has the power to communicate cross border, understand cross culture and even educate the uneducated about each other’s existence. That is what we require now. Commercializing it while the struggle is over your capacity of resistance is not the current requirement.
You are given the power to communicate, through various medium and forms, use it responsibly and be of use to the society.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Fear of ‘Ultimate Power’.


Has ‘superman’ ever thought that when he is flying 30000 mts above at 500 miles/ hr, he loses his flying power?
The greatest Fear after attaining all superior powers is, losing those powers . That is when one realizes that with great powers, comes great responsibility and along with it comes the greatest Fear.
That fear is the dark side of all invincible beings.
To protect Ultimate powers, the power is shared, and when the power is shared, it is misused, and that is when the system becomes corrupt.
Superior powers always resist themselves from entering into a transparent space. They must also protect the ones with who powers are shared. They want to be excluded from questioning and scrutiny.And more is shared ... until the ultimate power weakens, a total imbalance, chaos and distrust.
But, Only the strongest heart can hold the ultimate power, only the indigenous one can withhold it. And there will be optimum balance in existence.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Fall of Nations


The Governments of Nations are losing their powers. Trust laid upon them dissolves in doubt. The human race is in starvation of truth and hunger for a free world that can let them live in peace as ordered initially.
But the controllers have deceived an army of templars, knights and assassin to fight till end. A war that is not of this world.
Darkness has an appetite for brightness, and the mouth is as bigger than the whole land of the beings. Not a chance of survival. The fangs of darkness are poisonous that it injects desire, the agent of  all destruction.
Desire is the secret ally to the dark side. When things go wrong in 1:1000 it is bound to be 1:100000 soon and when you become part of the equation,it will all be too late...
Power misused becomes negative, devastating energy that goes out and comes around. It has now turning its course upon us. That is natural.
Walk in the center and let others walk their own. Be sure not to follow or be followed. Stand alone to show the difference, exercise your rights. You will be free and nations shall raise once again for peace for a 1000 years to come.